Adjusting

The Bee Gees song "How D0 You Mend a Broken Heart" keeps playing in my head.

How does a person "adjust" to life when the focus of life for the last 30 years is gone?

I am struggling to find a new identify, purpose, passion since Max's death. He can never be replaced, of course. I must treasure the time we had together and see if I can move on in search for something that can give me even a small percentage of the happiness I felt with him. I felt totally content with Max... even in the last several months when he was bedridden.

As I move on, I am trying to keep busy at home and doing some traveling to occupy my mind and pursue my interest in photography. I'd like to figure out how to make a little extra money with my pictures.

I spent a long Thanksgiving week end at Lincoln City, Oregon with my cousin Shirley and her friend Richard. The weather was surprisingly good, considering the forecast.

Lincoln City is located on the beautiful Oregon coast at the 45th parallel. I had a bit of a challenge getting there because of a storm that came in the day before I arrived. Hwy 18 was closed due to fallen trees across the road so I took a detour that was only an extra 1/2 hour or so of travel time.

I spent a week on Maui, Hawaii with a friend in late October, thanks to the purchase of a condo at a charity auction. We did tours via land, sea and air. Maui is an amazingly diverse island, with rainfall ranging from 395 inches per year on the Hana side of the island down to 10 inches on the Kihei side (where we stayed). I like staying on the dry side and visiting the wet side! :-)

The trip was bittersweet and, although I enjoyed the trip very much, I can't shake the feeling of loneliness without Max.

I know grieving is a very individual and personal journey. I acknowledge how truly blessed my life is, having had a marriage to the love of my life... and, now, a good support group to help me through.

I joined a widow grief group in Wenatchee, but will be heading to Arizona to spend Christmas with Max's sister and brother-in-law. Not sure how long I'll be gone, so I'll miss a lot of our weekly meetings. I'm not sure if I will try to locate a group in Arizona or just take up when I return.

Stay tuned...
Carol